Can someone hand me a cookie?

I was somehow talked into doing this "Biggest Loser" kind of challenge at work. We all throw in $25, and whoever loses the most weight by the end of the challenge (a little over 2 months) gets to keep the loot. I'm a sucker for money, so I said what the hell.

What the hell, indeed! I haven't been a saint when it comes to eating, but I've totally changed my ways. I'm not longer a regular drive-thru customer (I miss you, McDonald's #2), and I stay away from the candy machine at work. I haven't been writing down all of my calories, but I'm very conscious of what I eat and how healthy it is.

And the gym! I've been going to the gym! Like, on a regular basis. Three to four times a week, taking a nice mix of cardio/weight classes, with the occasional pilates and yoga thrown in.

And do you know what I've lost? About 2 pounds. After 5 weeks. TWO POUNDS. I'm ready to start stealing candy from babies to eat while I lounge on the couch watching trashy reality TV. Two pounds. Are you freakin' kidding me?

I know that I'm fighting my own DNA. This body (mine, over here) was not designed to be a size 2. Not a size 2 from 1950, not a size 2 from today. I'm thick and curvy and stout and lift heavier weights than a girl my size should be able to lift. But dammit, I wanna be skinny. (Yeah, that was meant to sound whiney.)

I want to walk into a store and grab the nearest size 2 and have it slip on smooth like buttah. Without hearing any seems rip or buttons pop. I want to be svelte. And truly petite.

I also want to be able to eat Ben & Jerry's, or to have a shake at lunch, along with my actual food. Alas, that's not meant to happen. And it makes me bitter. So damn bitter. I find myself glaring at skinny girls who eat food that's got more calories than mine. "How dare she have a full sugar soda?! That skinny bitch!" Yes, it's a great attitude, I know.

No one ever said life was going to be fair, but seriously, this is just cruel. I want a cookie like nobody's business. Instead, I'm going to finish my Coke Zero, have my 90 calorie South Beach Bar snack, and go workout. Where I'll get red-faced and sweaty and out of breath, trying to beat the chubby gene. Good luck to me on that one.